You found me. Please scroll down to the first Youtube video to get into the good stuff, but If you'd like to read lots and lots of junk I've thrown down like a journal then proceed reading below.

Here you will find things that are on my mind at the moment. It always changes.

First thing I cannot stop thinking about is canabalism as a metaphor for toxic all-consuming love. First there is Preacher's Daughter by Ethel Cain. If you are on Neocities, then you know who Ethel is. if you know who Ethel is then you have listened to Preacher's Daugheter. Hopefully it moved you as much as it did me. Specically "Strangers". More specifically, the line "I tried to be good, am I no good?" How desperate, its a feeling I am famillar with. You give your all, in Ethel's case she gave her entire body (literally) to this man and even as she was being canabalised she is trying to be the best she can for him. Her body is making him sick, she's more terrified of not being good enough for him rather than the fact that she is dead and being eaten. for me, its like you give your all to school, then career moves, and you're constantly going and acheving, but when are you allowed to stop? I'm trying to be so good, so special, so filling to the people eating me like my parents, people I've talked to once, people online who I've never met, and everyone who crosses my path. I'm preforming constantly, like do I even want to achieve? Why do I keep applying and moving is it for me? Or is it for the canabals? All honesty nobody around me probably even cares, I'm the only one who is eating me up I just pretend this huge crazy career is what I want when really I just want people to see me as special. I'm not talented, so I figured if I can't be the talent, then I could at least work behind the talent. (I work in the music industry, I'm a singer, an actor, an artist, a dancer with no talent in any of those things, but I've accepted that). This paragraph went diffrent than I wanted it to go.:

Major things on my mind:

• I have Pure OCD and I just found out that Pure O is a thing.
• If you got through the mess of a paragraph above then you saw canabalism, love, blah blah. So Strangers- Ethel Cain and the movie, Bones and All
• The song, Overexposed- Car Seat Headrest. Its always CSH isn't it? "somewhere down the line you'll look back and say you did the best that you could and you'll be wrong".

What am I doing? This is what I am doing: